Gusura mu Rwanda

Muraho mwese! It's that time of the month again, and I've got a new blog post ready to roll. This month, I'll be tackling perhaps Rwanda's greatest social construct: visiting. Often times in the U.S. or Europe, people who have traveled to Africa regale those less-traveled with stories of the amazing hospitality of Africans. They tell of complete strangers inviting them into their houses, feeding them huge meals, and maybe showing them around the area a bit. Well, this post will not be like that. I've met both hospitable and inhospitable people everywhere I've been, including home in the U.S. And here in Rwanda. Instead, I believe the thing that distinguishes Rwandans is an intense sociability: they're always talking, listening to talking on the radio, or having long meetings with lots of talking.

One of the questions a person is often asked in Rwanda, sometimes even after having just met someone, is Uzansura ryali?, or “When will you visit me?” (Be careful with the verb gusura, 'to visit,' as it should be pronounced with a long 'u,' gusuura or you're saying 'to fart,' which is gusura with a short 'u.') It's a difficult question to answer, since our Western habits dictate that we be invited before we visit, and that simply is not the case here. The big question brings with it many other smaller questions: who do you visit?, when do you visit?, and how do you visit? I will attempt to answer all of these questions in the next few pages.

First comes the question of who to visit. There are largely two theories in my world here. The Rwandans tend to visit people in the same socio-economic class as them or above. This means that as a teacher I could visit other teachers, health center workers (nurses, doctors, etc.), government officials, or anyone with a higher education. Peace Corps Volunteers often have the idea that they should visit everyone in order to 'integrate' into their communities. In practice, I visit who I want to visit, regardless of their social standing, but I do not visit everyone. Visits are just far too long to sit through them with people I don't like.

Since there is rarely an invitation like we're used to in the U.S. Or Europe, the question of when to visit can be a bit perplexing. There are two ways you can visit. The first is to arrive unannounced at the house of the person you would like to visit. I have used this method, and it has been used on me, and it usually works out. Sometimes the person you intended to visit is not home, but if he/she is then he/she will offer a you a seat and usually a drink at the very least. These visits tend to be shorter because the person being visited often has other things to do, so this is an advantage! The other way is to arrange a time, realizing that time is elastic and things rarely happen on time. I've had people say they would come visit me at, say, 2 P.M. and not arrive until 4, if they arrived at all. I've been on the other end, too, scheduling a visit for a certain time and showing up only to find nobody home. Of course, I've used this elastic time to my advantage sometimes, showing up late when I got busy doing something else and not feeling guilty about it, or even missing a visit (which I did feel guilty about and called to explain my absence).

Anyway, once it's been decided who to visit and when to visit, the question becomes how to visit. This may seem like an elementary question, but it is far from it; there is an etiquette to visiting in Rwanda that must be followed. First, be prepared for a LONG visit. I think the shortest official visit I've ever had was two hours, and it's rare to get out in under three. I've had a couple of visits that lasted all day (including travel time to and from my house they clocked in at around 10 hours!).

Once you've mentally (and perhaps physically) prepared to be seated on whatever furniture your host has for you for a few hours, you should be prepared to at least drink. It is extremely important to accept all food and drink offered to you as a guest. I'll quickly relate a story I heard one of my roommates, Alphonsine, tell one day. She was talking to other teachers and relating a story of having visitors, having bought them Fanta (Coca-Cola products) and beer. When she asked them what they would like to drink, they replied amazi, 'water.' She was insulted (she spit on the ground as she told the story), saying that it was wrong of her guests to reject her offer of refreshments. The host often spends a not insignificant amount of his/her money on drinks for you as a guest, and rejecting them is a huge faux pas. In that spirit, I have drunk banana beer from large gourds with a wooden straw shared among four or five people; had ikigage (sorghum beer), ikivuguto (the slightly-curdled, yoghurt-style milk); and tried to choke down all manner or warm drinks. Drinks are the minimum for an official visit, but sometimes food is offered as well. Sometimes it is something simple, like bananas or some bread, but other times it's a full meal (especially popular food to serve guests is meat with fries and sauce). Once again, be prepared to eat anything that is offered to you unless you really can't due to illness or allergy. You should also be prepared to take seconds, and if you don't want to eat a lot, it's best to not really load up your plate the first time (that is, if the host doesn't load it for you). A stomach of steel or some comparable composition greatly helps when visiting in Rwanda.

Also important to keep in mind when you visit is that you should not expect to be entertained. You will sit, you will talk, and you will probably drink, but if more than that happens, like playing cards or igisoro, then that's above and beyond what's expected. In fact, it's not uncommon for a host to leave the room for relatively long periods of time (10-20 minutes) to do other things around the house and leave you either alone or with the kids or elderly family members. These times can be awkward, but the best thing to do is to make the most of them by talking to whoever is around or, as a last resort, daydreaming.

Ending your visit is about as difficult for most Westerners as beginning it is. There never seems to be a real defined time of when you should leave. It would seem, for instance, that when your host leaves for 20 minutes that maybe you should leave, but they probably just went to help prepare your food. You definitely cannot leave before having any drinks or food that may be prepared for you, and it's rude to leave too soon after sharing these gifts. It all gets very complicated, but leaving is actually no big deal. When you feel ready after drinking and/or eating, you can just say, Reka ngende (“Well, let me go.”). It may feel somewhat impolite and brusque at first, but it's normal and completely acceptable.

So, next time you're in Rwanda, you can come confidently knowing who to visit and when and how to do it. Just be ready to eat and drink anything that's put in front of you and deal with long hours sitting around talking to people. When you get tired, and the food and drink are gone, just announce your departure, no need to feel shy. So, come on, uzansura ryali?

Happy birthday this month: Uncle Calvin, Jackson
Next month's topic: Healthcare in Rwanda (courtesy of Grandma)